Self-love as inner attunement: Service to self or service through self?
Is self-love a luxury? I still find myself again and again negotiating caring for myself, nourishing myself with what I need, as if it was a reward - something I am allowed to practice once everything else is taken care of. It comes subtly: moments of feeling guilty, unworthy, selfish or ashamed still arising at times - although I know that self-love is one of the most essential prerequisites for a full, balanced, and healthy life.
Perhaps part of this internal struggle comes from a rooted confusion about what self-love actually points to. We often approach it as something we do for ourselves - an action, a practice, a form of care we have to justify, schedule or earn. Yet in its deeper sense, self-love is not an added behaviour or attitude. It is the felt recognition of inner unity. It arises when we recognize the illusion of separation and acknowledge ourselves as part of creation itself. When we no longer relate to ourselves as something separate to manage, correct or sacrifice, care is not linked to effort, but flows naturally from within. From this perspective, self-love is not selfish, indulgent or disconnected from the needs of others. It is not service to the self at the expense of the whole, but service through the self - for life itself. When inner separation dissolves, love is no longer something we direct or withhold; it is the ground from which our actions emerge. Only from an inner state of coherence, nourishment and abundance can we truly give - without depletion, resentment or self-abandonment.
Self-love begins with listening, with meeting ourselves as we are, rather than as we think we should be. For many of us, this is unfamiliar territory. We have been programmed to look outward - towards expectations, roles, relationships and societal measures of worth. We are taught to adapt, to sacrifice, to endure. Somewhere along the way, we may have learned that love is conditional: something to be earned, proven or given away, rather than something that lives within us as our natural state. Practising self-love gently dismantles these patterns. Old narratives of suffering, sacrifice, false saviour roles and unconscious victimhood lose their grip when we no longer believe in inner and outer separation.
At its core, self-love is nourishment, but not understood as a checklist or performance. It means giving ourselves what we need on all levels: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. It means honouring the body with rest, movement and nourishment. It means caring for the mind by giving it food for thought and reflection. It means allowing emotions to move without suppression or dramatization. And it means listening to the intelligence within us, nourishing the connection to the Divine and our True Selves. This is how we become sustainable, tending our inner resources. Like this, self-love becomes the foundation of creativity, joy, ease and authentic expression.
While all of this might make sense to us, it can feel deeply uncomfortable to radically prioritizing ourselves, especially when we're still running the old programs. It means stepping out of unconscious entanglement and setting boundaries that align with our sense of self, reflecting our self-respect and -worth. This may challenge relationships or require changes in work, environment, habits or rhythm. Often there is a subtle fear that if we choose ourselves, we might lose something - or someone. Self-love therefore asks for trust: trust in life, trust in timing, trust that what is truly aligned does not require self-abandonment to survive. And self-love asks for compassion: As we witness our own process, we may touch parts of ourselves that have long been unseen or unmet, touching our wounded inner child and requiring patience, honesty, and tenderness. But ultimately, every step towards lived self-love brings us closer to being able to be here fully, in our human experience. And from our grounded self-connection, we can meet others and the world more present and authentically. Not from obligation, but from free choice.
Loving ourselves becomes a way of remembering the connection to the spark of life within us, that we all share. And sound offers a powerful mirror for this process. Just as the body responds to resonance, we too respond to the frequencies we live by - internally and externally. When we are nourished and aligned, our inner tone becomes clearer. Self-love is the attunement that brings our whole system into alignment and balance. In a world that is rapidly changing and highly demanding, self-love is not optional. It is a non-negotiable. As we create the New - within ourselves and collectively - we are invited to move beyond exhaustion, self-neglect and proving. When we care for ourselves, we are not escaping responsibility, but meeting it with grace and in full connection to our inner resources.
Self-love simply asks us to come home - and to stay.